Innovative Sinnery
It’s now official, there are several new ways to offend god, and ensure your eternity with the damned. For those who still attempt to reconcile Catholicism and Capitalism, don’t panic and donate your retirement accounts just yet. Only those who become “obscenely” rich are doomed, so the determination of your status is still highly subjective. “Taking Drugs” is now also considered a mortal sin - neither Diet Coke, Coffee, Lipitor nor Advil were mentioned specifically, but my unfortunate hunch is that they are mere luxuries of the past for devout Catholics. On the bright side, “Social Justice” is now a very high priority, so the forceful cause of Government wealth redistribution should gain a number of ardent supporters. Perhaps the most noteworthy of the new offenses is “causing poverty”. We can only hope that this includes causing poverty for one’s self, which should really provide a sound jolt to our economy as the faithful take steps to improve their financial status - so long as they don’t take it so far as to risk obscenity. Also, environmentalism now gets a major sponsor by way of an official endorsement by the church, as “Polluting” is named as a mortal sin. No specifics were mentioned, but I assume most any of the usual environmentalist prescriptions; recycling, impractical electric transportation, decreased sanitation and fake light bulbs would be considered virtuous. Which, by chance I’m sure, are also adequate means of wasting excessive wealth, effectively clobbering two offenses with one measure.
In summary, one should forgo (almost) all determination, success, luxury, comfort, pleasure, convenience, pride and self-esteem in order to prepare for, and be rewarded by an eternity of submissive worship. The more sacrificial misery one can invite by means of waste (both time and materials), unconditional compassion (for even the most vile being), intentional mediocrity (in terms of intellect as well as productivity), and refusal to partake in the benefits of man’s mind (science and technology) - the more worthy one is in the eyes of God.
What a risky scheme.
(yes, I feel sarcastic today)
